Corrupt Justice
by Betty Bear
Summary: Ponyville is one of the safest and greatest towns to live in. Aside from the overly friendly and residence of Equestria's protectors, they have a high tolerance for equine diversity. That all changes with the new arrival of the racist and homophobic sheriff. How is the town of Ponyville to survive with the new sheriff's unjust treatment of pegasi, unicorns, and homosexuals.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: **I believe I'm getting better with the format. I learned that you shouldn't use Microsoft Word 2010 to upload your story on this site; it's much better to use the Copy-and-Paste option which is what I am using by the way. I'll still use Word for spell checking, but that's about it.

This story was inspired by the amount of prejudice the world has when it comes to sexuality and race. Most of us by now understand that we can't change who we are, and that we should embrace it; then, there are others that'll just never adapt and accept it. Those are the ones that make degrading comments, and try to lower self-worth. I just want to say that I have nothing against homosexuality. I was raised to be tolerate and be nonchalant about things like this.

The character, Law Enforcement, was inspired by the large amount of corrupt cops in the Law Enforcement system. They tend to pick on people because they believe they are above the law. That they **make** the law, not **enforce** it, and while everyone is a potential victim, they tend to target the people they despise the most. They don't even have to know you; all you need is a certain trait that will just make them hate you. Traits like beauty and knowledge, sexual and gender identity, height and weight, race and ethnicity, and sexuality and social hierarchal status.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ franchise. All characters that appear in this story belong to _Hasbro_ and _My Little Pony_ except for my original antagonist, Law Enforcement.

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><p><strong>Title: <strong>Corrupt Justice

**Author:** Betty Bear

**Chapter: **1

**Word Count: **2,471

**Thoughts:**_ '__Corrupt Justice'_

**[CORRUPT JUSTICE]**  
><span>

Major Mare sighed for the fourth time this day. In front of her was a list of viable candidates that would become the new sheriff of Ponyville. So far each resume and cover letter she read proved how experienced and qualified the pony really was, and because of that, it was very hard to pick the right type of pony to be sheriff. He or she would have to adapt to her town's friendly nature. They would have to connect with the citizens, and grant protection whenever the Elements of Harmony were off defending Equestria. So far each piece of parchment she read showed how qualified these potential sheriffs were, making it all the more harder to pick the right one.

Major Mare once again sighed as she moved the stack away from her. She really did need a break. All of this was just too much for her right now. '_Perhaps some coffee would help me think more clearly.'_ she thought as she reached for her brown coat, a Heart's Warming gift from the local fashionista, and put it on. She then closed off her office lights, and started down the hall to the nearest stairs all the while thinking about who to hire.

_'Townie Cooper would be a great candidate. He has experience in the Royal Guards and was a police instructor in the Manehattan Police Department, but he didn't list any actual field experience; then, there's State Snitch who does have field experience, but not enough training. Also, I had contacted his references, and they told me he isn't what I'm looking for.'_ Mayor Mare thought as she finally reached the stairs, and started her descent. _'If only there was a candidate that could be like the both of them.'_ She had finally reached the front of Ponyville Town Hall. She told her receptionist that she was going to be at Coffee Bean, so if any calls came for her they would have to leave a message.

It was only a five minute walk to her destination, so obviously it didn't take very long. She had immediately looked around the almost barren shop, observing some couples and friends, before walking to the bored pony behind the cash register.

"Hello and welcome to Coffee Bean where every cup of coffee is blah blah blah. How may I help you?" The bored pony asked in a very monotone and bland voice that was slightly cracking.

Mayor Mare had blinked in surprise at his lack of enthusiasm for his workplace, but why should she be surprised. He was a teenager, probably around the age of 15 or 16. He had a bad case of acne meaning he mostly just started puberty. He was slightly taller than her, and he had tired and apathetic eyes. He wasn't interested in his work as he looked like he just didn't care, which was also understandable since Coffee Bean only paid five bits an hour with no overtime. He could easily be home talking to his marefriend or doing whatever.

Mayor Mare looked at the menu for a minute before looking at his name tag. "Well, Ack Knee, I would like to purchase a Mixed Berry Cappuccino Swirl." She said as she looked him square in the eyes.

"That'll be five bits." He said as he held out his hoof expectantly.

Mayor Mare raised an eyebrow at this, but said nothing as she searched through her coat pocket. Forking over her bits, he gave her a receipt, and went into the back to fetch her drink.

_'I wonder if he even knows who I am?'_ She thought as she decided to use this waiting time as an opportunity to look at all of her fellow consumers. She turned her head to right, looking at pony that was near the exit. This pony was a young, light yellow-orange coated mare. She had a straight, light brown mane with the a strip of yellow at the base of head and neck. She had delightful blue eyes and a simple smile no doubt from drinking her cup of coffee. To the table at the mare's left was a mysterious stallion. He wore a worn down cowpony hat, and a matching brown coat that was similar to her own article of clothing. His head was pointed down so finding his eyes was pretty much impossible, so was his mane. She did; however, notice that he had large hooves for an average stallion, so she believed he was a fellow earth pony. And finally his coat color was hazel, and that he didn't have a drink, just a newspaper in front of him that wasn't opened. He seemed to be asleep as he didn't touch his drink or newspaper.

"I wonder why he's here." She thought, but before she could come up with any more questions her coffee had arrived.

"Here you go. Have a normal night." Ack said before turning his back, and walking to the employee's break room.

Mayor Mare shook her head before turning her head around to find the best place to sit and drink. There were so many places to chose from because the coffee shop was practically empty, but she decided to go with the table that was second closest to the door. In hindsight, she never chose this kind of area to sit at since ponies from the outside could always peek at whatever she's eating or drinking.

Just as she sat down to enjoy her expensive drink, and take a break from work, the front door opened. A stallion had approached the empty cash register looking this way and that before leaning over, and emptying all of the bits the store rightfully owned. He continued to put bits in his now bulging bag before turning around to face the only three customers in the whole restaurant.

"Okay, so here's how it goes down! You got bits and I want 'em! So put'em in here!" He shouted as he started walking over to the yellow-orange mare. He thrust his bulging bag towards the terrified mare, glaring at her as he stared her down.

"Oh...no..uh...I.." She stammered as she shakily started to pat down her saddlebags. "I...I...I don't have..any...l-l-left. I..I.. used.. them...a-all..on...my...dr-drink."

The thief didn't say anything as he just stared at her; his menacing green eyes staring into her terrified blue ones. Suddenly, he reached and put his right hoof in his bag before pulling out an expensive looking gun. He pointed it towards her, and repeated his earlier statement.

"Give me your money!" He yelled so loud this time, that bored looking teen finally emerged from the break room. How he didn't hear the criminal's yelling earlier was a mystery.

"Excuse me sir, but we don't allow guns here." Ack said boringly. It was amazing really. He had to have noticed the gun that was drawn, and was currently pointing towards the lovely yellow-orange mare. Instead, he was bored. He obviously didn't care that a thief was wielding a dangerous weapon.

"Oh? You don't say!" The thief said as he focused on the brave teen in front of him. He shoved the terrified mare off her seat before walking towards Ack Knee. All the while, the strange stallion that was supposedly sleeping, slightly lifted his head up to observe the scene before him. Currently, Mayor Mare was sitting in her car with a frown on her face. She was holding her cup in her right hoof, and was watching the thief very closely. However, she turned her attention to the mare on the ground. The terrified mare was currently having tears roll down her face as she struggled to get back up mostly due to her shivering and shaking. The mysterious stallion saw Ack Knee standing before the thief, and was facing him with a bored expression on his face. The thief had his back to the mysterious stallion. 'Never turn your back on justice.' The mysterious stallion thought as he swiftly, and quietly moved out of his seat.

"I can do whatever the hell I want!" The thief yelled in Ack's face as he pushed the gun up to the colt's underside of his jaw. Ack Knee only swallowed, showing a bit of fear, but still managed to keep his composure. "You think I'm scared of you!"

"No I don't. I honestly don't care what you do, but I won't have you point a gun at my customers." Ack Knee told the criminal in his usual bored tone. Mayor Mare knew that if that colt survived this encounter, assuming she did too, she was going to hand him the Town Recognition Award for protecting some of the civilians. Mayor Mare moved from her table to where the young mare was, helping her off the floor. Of course she quietly moved, or rather it would have been quiet if she hadn't hit the table. Immediately, the thief turned around, and glared at Mayor Mare.

"The buck are you doing?! Get away from her!" The thief yelled at her as he continued to somewhat watch Ack Knee. He, however, failed to notice the mysterious stallion moving stealthily about. As a matter of fact, it seemed that everyone in the store failed to notice the mysterious stallion was no longer at his seat.

"I was helping her off the floor, you brute!" Mayor Mare told him sternly as she glared up at the thief. How could he expect such a scared mare to get up after a forceful push like that? He was truly a criminal.

Meanwhile Ack Knee finally noticed the mysterious stallion was missing. He wasn't at his table so where could he have gone? Ack's question wasn't going to be left unanswered as the mysterious stallion finally made his appearance.

"Hey." The strange stallion said as he stood directly behind the criminal. His deep voice resounding throughout the entire coffee shop as he narrowed his hazel eyes. His mane was still hidden from his cowpony hat. Interestingly enough, he looked even more intimidating. He was definitely bigger than the average stallion, but smaller than buff stallions such as Big MacIntosh and Bulk Biceps.

The thief jumped a bit at the voice, and immediately whirled around. He never had a chance to bring his gun to face the larger opponent because the mysterious stallion used an Ancient Equine technique known as the Xang Jun. The mysterious stallion had basically moved to the left of the gun, and used his right hoof to grab it. He twisted the thief's hoof counterclockwise at an angle till his hoof was pointing somewhat upward. By now the thief was screaming in pain due to the feeling of his joint being twisted at an abnormal angle. The stallion pushed down with enough force to knock the gun out of the thief's hoof. The stallion then moved his hind legs in a classic hip toss position. He lifted the thief up off the ground, and flipped him over his body all the while the criminal screamed. The criminal hit the ground on his side with a loud thud.

"Argh! Buck!" The criminal swore as he tried to squirm due to the pain he was receiving; however, he was hardly able to move since the mysterious stallion was still holding his hoof at an impossible angle.

Even after all that excitement, Ack Knee had a very bored look on his face. Mayor Mare and the lovely mare had their mouths open for completely different and yet totally similar reasons. This stallion took down a threat very quickly, and without breaking a sweat! He was knowledgeable in disabling a criminal, and he was definitely stealthy. He was the perfect candidate! Now all Mayor Mare needed to know was if he was experienced in law enforcement.

_'And his name.'_ Mayor Mare thought. _'I need to know his name.'_

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><p><strong>Author Note:<strong> Expect the updates to be monthly. As a college student, an ECG Technician-In-Training, and a wait-listed Emergency Physician Scribe, I would not be able to update this story weekly or even biweekly; however, always know that I am constantly working (or thinking) on it. As for any suggestions, I am open to it. If you see any mistakes, or if something does not make sense go ahead and PM/review me. Critique makes a writer better. As for my chapters, I like them to be short, so expect around 1,000 words to 4,000 words. I promise that what I miss in _quantity_ I can make up with in _quality._

Just to be clear there is no humanization of the ponies. It's all about four legged, colorful ponies.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note:** Just like I promised here is the second chapter. I really don't have much to say about it except enjoy. Oh! And have a great Thanksgiving if you're American.

****Disclaimer:** **I do not own the _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ franchise. All characters that appear in this story belong to _Hasbro_ and _My Little Pony_ except for my original antagonist, Law Enforcement.

* * *

><p><strong>Title: <strong>Corrupt Justice

**Author:** Betty Bear

**Chapter: **2

**Word Count: **3,063

**Thoughts:**_ 'Corrupt Justice'_

**[CORRUPT JUSTICE]**

"Hey! Kid! Get the police!" The mysterious stallion shouted towards Ack Knee. His hoof was still placed on the criminal, and he looked angry. Or maybe just serious. No pony was able to tell exactly what he was feeling since his facial expression was rather hard to describe. However, one could deduce that he should be angry right now since a criminal _did_ burst into a little shop and terrorize its customers. Plus, he looked like the type of stallion to hate and disapprove of anything against the law.

Ack Knee only nodded quietly before walking towards the entrance. He didn't see the need to say anything, but he continued to look bored while walking out the door.

_'Why is he even walking? He should be galloping?! There is a criminal here!' _Mayor Mare thought. She really didn't understand this colt, but she knew one thing. She didn't want to have this criminal in one of Ponyville's stories. He needed to get in jail. Quickly. To ease the citizens.

"Mr. Knee! Gallop!" Mayor Mare shouted after the colt who had finally left the store. She didn't wait to see if he took her advice as she quickly turned around to face the other customer, the criminal, and the mysterious stallion. Speaking of the mysterious stallion..._'What is his name?'_

Before she could ask, the criminal shouted in pain as his leg was still held in that horrible position. It was really starting to really affect his leg to the point where he thought it would either dislocated or even detach itself from his being.

"Hey! You mind loosening up?! I'm hurting over here!" The criminal shouted as the mysterious stallion only glanced downwards with a slight smile and added more weight. Truthfully, he was enjoying this. After all, this criminal got exactly what he wanted in reverse. Instead of inflicting pain, he was inflicted _with_ pain. "Hey!"

The mysterious stallion didn't reply. He only continued to look down at the criminal.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!"

The mysterious stallion still continued to remain silent.

"I know you can talk, pig!"

The mysterious stallion only blinked then continued his unrelenting stare with silence.

"Why the he-!" The thief didn't finish as an unsuspected blow to the head rendered him unconscious. The lovely mare the thief had attacked earlier had delivered a strong kick to the back of his head, knocking him out.

The mysterious stallion lifted his head up. His hazel eyes staring into the attacker's eyes. His mouth forming a wide smile as he nodded his head in thanks. That stallion really was getting on his nerves. Always talking as if he had a big game. As if his bark was worse than his bite; what a joke!

"Um..Hi. Thank you for saving us." The mare replied sweetly as she smiled gently at him. She was no longer under constant fear. This stallion had took down the criminal, and she knocked him out. The police would arrive at any time to take this lawbreaker into custody, and she would be able to return home in one piece with a very interesting story for her roommates.

"No problem, ma'am.' The mysterious stallion replied. His deep voice easily flowing throughout the store. "Just doing my job to protect you."

"Oh yes. Thank you very much." The lovely mare responded; although, she was a bit curious with what he had said. "I take it you're an officer?"

"Yes. Been in the force for 10 years."

This lick of information had caught Mayor Mare's attention. She was currently looking for somepony who had experience as well as courage and was qualified. She had already made up her mind on getting this stallion as the new sheriff of Ponyville, but she didn't know if he was in law enforcement. Now she did. _  
><em>

"Wow. No wonder you knew that move. You must beat up bad guys everyday."

"Not every day, but only when I need to."

_'Ah. So he only resorts to violence when he needs to.'_ The mayor thought. That was a very good trait to have in ponies that enforced the law. '_And with his years of experience and semi-diplomatic behavior, he's a very good candidate to become the new sheriff of Ponyville! He's so qualified! In fact, he might as well be overqualified!'_

Before the mare could respond, Major Mare quickly interjected herself into the conversation.

"Excuse me, but...you said you worked in the police force for 10 years correct? Well...I was just wondering if you were looking for a job?" Mayor Mare asked as she started to move closer to the only two conscious ponies in the store.

"Correct, I have." The stallion answered politely. "I am actually. My last job...didn't go so well."

"Oh? Would you mind if I asked why not?" The mayor questioned. The lovely mare beside her shook her head in agreement. She was just as curious as the mayor for the answer.

"Not at all, ma'am. Some townsfolk complained about me."

The mare blinked in surprise as the mayor only slightly turned her head to the side. Both didn't understand how his citizens would complain about him. To them, he performed his job rather well. Then again, they didn't know him personally or even professionally. Perhaps the townsfolk had a valid reason to complain about him. Perhaps they didn't.

Mayor Mare didn't know if she should continue to with her plan. She was hoping he would be the one, and he looked and acted the part, but she knew from prior experience that work history was also very important. However, his town probably wasn't like Ponyville. Ponyvillians were the nicest and the friendliest of ponies. They accepted and befriend just about anypony, anygriffon, and any other non-dangerous species she could think of.

"What town?" The curious mare asked.

"Caballus" He replied.

"Where's that?" The mare questioned. She never heard of that city or town before. To her, it sounded too foreign to be in Equestria.

"A little while aways from Fillydelphia and Manehattan."

"That name doesn't ring a bell." Mayor Mare interjected again.

"That's because it's a small town surrounded by bustling cities like Fillydelphia and Manehattan. Their fame outshined Caballus's existence."

"Ah." Both the mares said in understanding. Ponyville used to be a nopony town before it started to become popular with the uprising of the Elements of Harmony, the current residence of the newly crowned Princess of Friendship, and the constant visits from Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Now Ponyville appeared as a famous tourist site, and Mayor Mare couldn't be any prouder.

The group stood in silence for a bit as the conversation ended. The mare glanced down at the criminal and disgust formed on her face. How could he try and rob her like that? Even when she said she didn't have any more bits on her. She felt the need to kick him again but seeing how he was unconscious, and she felt content. She would have felt even more content if the only store worker available would show up with the cops. This thief needed to be thrown in prison for a long time. No trial for his sorry butt.

Mayor Mare glanced at the mare before turning her attention to the stallion. She gave him a quick smile before remembering to finish the reason why she joined the conversation.

"Sooooo...would you like the job here mister...?" She didn't finish her question as she hoped he would give her his name.

"Law Enforcement, and I appreciate your offer, but what job are you offering me?" The stallion smiled a bit as he looked down at her.

"Oh! How silly of me to forget! I'm offering you a job as the local sheriff."

Law Enforcement's hazel eyes widened in surprise for a bit. Truthfully, he wandered from town to town in search of a job. Anything would do, but nopony it seemed wanted to hire him. He didn't know why, but he could never get a job. But this mare was offering him a job. And in police no less! And as the sheriff! This was it! This was his chance to finally get a job! However, he didn't have experience as a sheriff.

"Yes! I'll gladly accept the position, but I don't have any experience as a sheriff. I was just a cop." He explained to the mayor. "Would you still consider me?"

"Of course I will! In fact, I want you to be the sheriff!" She exclaimed happily. She had finally found somepony to take the job that tormented her for weeks. She had finally become free from her nightmare. She didn't even need to check his references or look at his resume or cover letter. She was that sure he was the best thing for her town. Her police officers needed guidance and where better from than this stallion. "When the police arrive, I'll take you with me to my office so we can get the paper work filled out, alright?"

"Yes ma'am."

Silence once again filled the room until the lovely mare asked a question with an obvious answer.

"So Mayor Mare, is he our new sheriff?"

**[CORRUPT JUSTICE]**

It didn't take Ack Knee any more than 30 minutes of trotting to reach the police station; he didn't feel like galloping. He knew the situation was dire; he wasn't stupid, but he just didn't want to gallop. Since that stallion was there on top of the criminal, he was very confident that nopony would get hurt. As long as that stallion was there, his customers were safe, and more importantly, the store was safe. According to popular belief, he appeared to have no emotion, but he did care about his job. He needed the bits, so he could spend them on things teenagers bought.

The police station looked like everything else in Ponyville; nice. A bunch of flowers of many species surrounded the building excluding the pathway to the entrance. There weren't any benches or chairs nearby so ponies wouldn't be able to sit and hang out like at the other stores and shops in Ponyville. The station had the same color scheme as Town Hall as well as a similar structure. The only thing that was different about it was that the building had only 2 stories, had several windows, and a single, wooded door that served as the entrance and exit.

Ack Knee slowed his trotting to a walk as he finally within reach of the door. He pushed it open with his left hoof and immediately started to walk in. He looked around as he moved further into the building. From the looks of it, the police officers were probably busy doing something else; nopony was in the station. It was completely vacant. Nopony was at their desk, nopony was at the water fountain, and nopony was doing whatever else cops did.

"Great. I came here for nothing." Ack Knee said without any emotion present. "Might as well go back."

Just as he turned around, the faint sound of talking caught his ears' attention. He turned his head back around and began to concentrate. He needed to find out where the sound was coming from. He needed to find the source. He slowly and carefully stalked about the room, moving around desks and empty chairs, searching for the sound. It didn't take that long for him. He found a raise in the volume of the sound and began to follow it, listening to its continued crescendo, until it lead him to a door. He had never been to a police station, so he didn't know what room was behind this door. And judging from the loud sounds emanating from this door, it was very clear to Ack Knee that the police officers or some criminals were behind it.

"Oh well. Might as well open this." He said.

He placed his hoof on the door and pushed it open, revealing a bunch of cops stuffing donuts in their mouths while watching a hoofball game. They immediately turned around at the sound of the door opening and blinked. They were caught redhoofed. Instead of them working, they were eating donuts and watching sports. But again what was to be expected? They didn't have a boss to watch them constantly or even show them how to do their job. Sure, they were good, but they seriously needed a role model.

An image of the mysterious stallion from his store came into mind. _'He would make a good boss wouldn't he?'_ Ack Knee thought. _'He'd make these guys really work.'_

The first cop swallowed his glazed donut. He didn't seem to notice that he had crumbs on his muzzle or that he had gotten them on his uniform. Once again, Ack Knee could only think about how mediocre this group was. Maybe this was why crime was problem in Equestria; cops like these didn't do their job and allowed felons to happen left in right while they ate. It was very pitiful.

The second cop had 2 glazed donuts resting on his chest, while he had another donut, pink frosting with rainbow sprinkles. in his left hoof. and a cup of coffee in his right hoof. He appeared to be heavy set, and it really was no surprise since he had all these donuts. His cheeks were puffed up a bit, and in truth he looked like chipmunk or squirrel that stored nuts in their cheeks.

The last cop was actually dead asleep. He was leaning back in his chair with his head hanging off his shoulder, and drool dripping onto his uniform.

Ack Knee could only wonder why they weren't security guards instead of cops.

"Did you need something, Ack?" The first cop questioned.

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I do. I need you to arrest this guy. He entered my store and pulled a gun on my customers." Ack Knee responded boringly.

The cops looked at each other in surprise. Nothing like that had ever happened in Ponyville. Or at least that's what they thought. They didn't really know. Nopony ever came for their services, so they assumed the town was completely fine.

"A stallion with a gun?" The second cop questioned.

"Yes. A gun."

"How did he get that?" The first cop asked the second cop.

"I dunno. Equestria doesn't make guns like that." The second cop stated. He blinked before saying more. "At least that's what I thought."

"Where did he even get that?" The first cop asked.

"I'm not even sure." The second cop replied.

Ack Knee watched as the cops nonchalantly talked about the gun. In his opinion, it didn't matter how the crook had a gun. He had a gun, and he was a danger to Ponyville and his store. And here they were discussing the gun as if they had all the time in the world.

_And the Canterlot Royals Wide Receiver, Hot Horseshoe, scores the 4th touchdown! The score is now 20-7! Canterlot is destroying Hoofington! _

The two cops quickly turned their attention back to the TV. It seemed as though they had something more important on. A criminal in Ponyville wasn't as important as a hoofball game that would appear on later. Ack Knee frowned.

The cops reacted to the game as they hooted and hollered. They were both fans of the Canterlot Royals. And it was very apparent as they chuckled and make jokes about Hoofington's demise. Unfortunately their fun was gonna have to be cut sort. Some matters like a the public safety was way more important than a hoofball game.

"You two need to come with me." Ack persisted.

The two cops turned their heads towards Ack Knee.

"Why are here? Do you need something?" The second cop asked this time.

Ack Knee could only look at them in surprise. It seemed as though they completely forgot about why he was there even when he just talked to them. However, this time Ack Knee was going to use a different method.

"Mayor Mare said you need to arrest this criminal. She's waiting for you." Ack Knee stated. He smiled as he saw the stallions quickly get off their chairs. When in doubt always mention the mayor's name. The last cop that was asleep remained asleep. It didn't matter; though, they only needed 2 cops to book the criminal and go about their day.

Ack Knee lead them outside of the break room where the two cops grabbed everything that they needed. Ack Knee smiled as he watched them until they motioned that they were ready. They exited the building and trotted towards his store, Coffee Bean.

* * *

><p><strong>Author Note: <strong>To answer any questions you might have, I decided to give Equestria the gift of guns and electronics since they'll work for this story. I won't give them cars. They don't need them. And _Caballus_ is the second part of the scientific name of horse, _Equus Caballus. _

The next chapter will finally have some action, so you have something to look for. And yes. I ended a sentence in a preposition. I just violated a rule of grammar. Good thing it's only in the **Author's Note** and not in the actual story.

I think that's all I have to say. Have a Happy Thanksgiving if you're American, and if you aren't American then enjoy yourself.


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